i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You ruined the universe
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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