So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
