In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
