Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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