I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
high people should be assigned attendants
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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