Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
