How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
