i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
