She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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