slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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