I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
