pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
