I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize