my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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