ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
