just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My penis needs a shock collar
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
