I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize