You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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