No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
