Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
