My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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