How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
