You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
