Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
