Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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