I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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