the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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