I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
