i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
