Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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