is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
This is not my ceiling
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
