At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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