im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
