Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
