Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
