Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
