It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
