Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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