I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
