then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
