I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
