those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
