I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
