I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
