Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
you never un-have a 4some
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
