k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
