it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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