Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
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do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
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Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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