separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
