btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
