Swine flu. Run for my life!
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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