woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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