I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
