I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
