Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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