When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
