i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
