NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
