i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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