so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
What a dumb baby whore.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
