i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
