Fine. I'll sleep in my office
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
