Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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