im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
