Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
