this boner is exhausting
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
