why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
