You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
