I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
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making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
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I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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