How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she told me i tasted like america
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
