Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
